Dressed in my amazing black dress and new heels, I smiled as my friends pointed their phones at me, snapping photos.
‘Here, get one on my phone,’ I said, passing it over.
I wanted to capture this moment.
It was New Year’s Eve 2017 and I’d dragged myself out, despite feeling exhausted.
I had my fingers crossed that the new year would bring me luck.
The last few months had been really difficult.
I’d become so tired and lethargic that I didn’t recognise myself anymore.
It was completely out of character for me – at 17, I was always full of energy.
My doctor had run tests that showed I was anaemic and vitamin deficient, but even with medication I didn’t feel any better.
Suspecting I might be coeliac, my GP suggested I needed to go gluten-free.
But that didn’t seem to help at all either.
By New Year’s Eve, I was determined to try and carry on with my life.
Shortly after midnight though, I could barely keep my eyes open and went home to bed.
The next day, my mum, Melissa, found me in my room sobbing.
‘No-one knows what’s wrong with me,’ I cried. ‘I just feel like I’m never going to get better.’
What if I’m dying? I panicked.
‘I promise we’ll figure this out, Saffron,’ Mum said, giving me a hug.
Back at the doctor, I was sent for more blood tests.
Then one day, I was at the supermarket when I spotted the lettuce and strawberries and just had to have them.
I also got an overwhelming urge to pick up a box of Cornettos.
Mum thought I was mad when she saw what was in my shopping bag.
‘My body knows what it wants,’ I told her.
Weirdly, the ice-cream made me feel loads better – not worse.
So, from then on, I gave up being gluten-free.
And giving in to my bizarre cravings, I snacked on lettuce leaves hourly, before switching to Cornettos in the evening.
After that, Mum and I decided to take matters into our own hands and
I joined the gym, thinking that if I exercised it’d kick up my energy levels again.
A size 8, and with a flat stomach, I knew I was in shape but I wanted to feel healthy again.
I loved running beside Mum on the treadmill. One day, we were doing sit-ups in the exercise area.
‘Look at the way my stomach goes into a funny triangle!’ I laughed.
Mum giggled too, but three weeks later a gust of wind pulled my T-shirt up over my stomach.
‘Saff, you’ve got a pigmentation line,’ Mum said.
I hadn’t noticed it before, but now she mentioned it, it was obvious.
It ran all the way from my belly button to my undies.
‘Do you think you could be pregnant?’ Mum said.
I shook my head.
My last relationship was nearly nine months earlier.
I’d be almost full term!
‘There’s no way I’m pregnant when I look like I do,’ I said.
Besides, I was on the pill.
‘I think you should do a test, just to rule it out,’ Mum said, going to
buy one.
I was terrified when two lines appeared. Mum got me an emergency appointment with a midwife.
‘I can definitely feel a baby,’ the midwife said, her hand on my belly.
I was stunned.
I was still a size 8 – and I didn’t even have a bump!
‘Your baby appears to be breech and is rather close to your back,’ the midwife explained.
‘Do you mind if I turn it
around?’ she asked me.
I nodded, still in shock.
She pressed down on my tummy muscles and gave me what felt like a really hard massage.
I felt my stomach lurch and then I felt a strange flutter.
It was the first kick. From then on, my baby was suddenly very active and I could feel every movement.
My bump started to grow hour by hour. In just one week, it had ballooned into a full bump!
At my second appointment, I was told I was 37 weeks along with
a little boy.
Still in shock, I didn’t feel like I was prepared to be a mum at all – let alone in three weeks!
The father of the baby didn’t want to be involved and I felt like it was too much.
‘I don’t think I can do this,’ I sobbed to Mum.
‘I’m going to help you,’ she said, hugging me.
I can do this, I realised after a couple of weeks.
On June 3, 2018, Mum and Dad held my hands as I pushed my healthy son Oscar into the world.
He weighed 3.6 kilos.
The moment I gazed into his gorgeous brown eyes
and saw his thick brown hair, I was in love.
I didn’t believe it was possible to not know you’re pregnant until it happened to me.
Now, Oscar’s almost two and absolutely perfect.
I wouldn’t change a thing. The main thing I love is seeing him happy.
Every time Oscar laughs or smiles, I know I’m doing something right. ●
