Guzzling down cheap beer with my mates, I felt all my anxieties leave my body. I feel so good, I thought, swaying slightly by my third can.
Aged 13, I’d recently started skipping class and experimenting with alcohol and marijuana.
Things were tough at home, and I was in search of an escape.
Soon after, I was enrolled in an Army cadets program after school. I loved it. But it didn’t stop me from sneaking off with my fellow cadets to drink and smoke.
Leaving school at 16, I worked at Hungry Jack’s. Now I had a bit of money coming in, I started dabbling with ice, ecstasy and LSD.
Falling pregnant at 18 to my boyfriend, I selfishly kept drinking and taking drugs. Luckily, my beautiful boy Jayden was born in November 1997, perfectly healthy.
We fell pregnant again two years later.
This time I quit booze cold turkey, despite the intense cravings, and we welcomed our second son Adam in April 2000.
But straight after giving birth, I was back on the booze and drugs despite still breastfeeding. My relationship broke down when Adam was two. As the boys grew up, I found myself stoned on the school run, and would sometimes drink drive with the kids in the back.
I’m so ashamed, I thought. But I just couldn’t give up my addictions.
In 2004, I found love with my friend Dave, then 26, and we had our baby girl Sophie in September 2007. Completely clean during my pregnancy, I started using again once she was born.
'Some nights, I’d guzzle a half a carton of beer by myself.'
Marrying Dave in February 2009, I decided to quit drugs for good that September when Sophie turned two.
I can’t keep living like this. I have to change for my kids, I thought.
Surprisingly, I found it quite easy.
But there was still a void that needed to be filled, and my drinking spiked. I’d sink six cold ones before Dave – a social drinker – got home, and when he arrived I’d pretend the can I was cracking open was my first one.
Some nights, I’d guzzle a half a carton of beer by myself. It was easy, and I always got away with it – because I was such an experienced binge drinker.
Unlike others who might have six beers and be stumbling and slurring their words, I could still function well.
Finally in July 2013, aged 34, I decided to go cold turkey on booze for Dry July.
Incredibly, not only did I get through the 31 days, I didn’t drink for months!
In social situations, like a wedding I attended that October, I found myself shaking and irritable, feeling left out without a drink in my hand.
That Christmas, after five months of no drinking, I gave in. But instead of just sipping on a bevvy, I chugged down a six pack of beers.
In the days following, I went from zero to one hundred – it was like I’d never stopped.
As I had gone so long sober, I’d convinced Dave I had control of the situation.
One Friday in July 2014, I binged even more than usual, drinking half a carton of beer and a six pack of Jim Beam and Coke.
Dave, a FIFO worker, was away, the boys, then 16 and 14, were at their dad’s, and Sophie, six, was home with me, asleep.
The next morning, I had the mother of all hangovers.
Groggy and miserable, I thought, Enough is enough!
There has to be more to life than this, I decided, dry retching into the loo.
‘Mummy’s not feeling well,’ I said to Sophie.
Later that day I looked for inspiration online and found Hello Sunday Morning – an organisation dedicated to helping people change their relationship with alcohol.
So on Sunday I decided to do something different.
Waking up early, I drove to Whistlepipe Gully, a hiking trail that skirts a beautiful river a 15-minute drive from my home. Dave’s parents watched Sophie.
This was so worth it, I exhaled as I trekked.
It was like meditation.
'I won't waste another moment.'
Over the months, waving goodbye to alcohol and saying hello to hiking became easier. Soon I was hiking every day, climbing mountains and bush walking! I felt healthier than I had in years.
Dave was super proud, and my kids sometimes joined me on my treks too.
I’d lost so many years to drink and drugs, I wasn’t wasting another moment.
In July 2022, to celebrate eight years of sobriety, over eight days I climbed eight mountains in the Great Southern region of WA. My trek also raised over $1000 for Albany’s Family Domestic Violence Action Group – a cause close to my heart.
And last year, I tackled nine waterfalls from Perth to Margaret River in nine days, raising just under $500 for OVIS Community Services – another service supporting domestic violence survivors.
This year to mark the decade sober milestone, I plan to hike the 38km Murchison River Gorge Walk in Kalbarri National Park, WA, in four days.
It’ll be a full circle for me, as I did this walk with my school’s troubled youth program when I was 13 and had first started with booze and pot.
When I hike, I feel clarity. I pat myself on the back and forgive myself for my horrible mistakes.
I know I’m a good person and do all in my power to be the best I can.
Thankfully, I have loving relationships with my kids, now 26, 23 and 13. And I’m a proud grandma to Jayden’s girls, Layla, two and a half, and Margot, two.
I never knew life could be so good.
